Can I do it?

“Do you like having people report to you at work?”, he asked. It was a casual conversation over lunch, with this person I had known fairly well, over the last few years. We have collaborated in our work but also had conversation beyond just that.

“Why do you ask?”

“Well, you don’t seem like the kind of person who might. From what I know of you, you seem like the kind of person who would prefer working alone more, than with others.”

I simply smiled in return. “That isn’t to say you aren’t social, but that someone who would rather be by yourself”, he said, making a what seemed  like a feeble attempt to placate me as an afterthought.

When I completed one year at work, I was given a raise I had not imagined. More importantly though, along with it, I was also given the responsibility of leading a team and designated ‘Manager’. I remember that I didn’t think much of either of these things per se. Yet, I had requested for a letter that I could show my father, because I believed that he always felt I wasn’t doing as well as I ought to.

There are at least two requisites for a person to do a job well, consistently over a sustained period of time. One, that he (or she) be good at it. And the other, that he be interested in it. In both the contexts, I have nurtured doubts for close to a decade and more now. On the interest part, there may still be room for doubt. For my mind can be fickle, and so the likes aren’t and have never been consistent. So from my own understanding of life, I have attempted to go beyond likes and dislikes. When it comes to work, to me, it is about getting the job done. And the fact that I am asked to do it simply means I ought to do it. Period.

On the latter aspect, that of talent, I have somehow been convinced that I am not a great manager of teams. Yet, when I have been entrusted with the responsibility for such a long time, I choose to trust Chitra’s judgment of my capabilities a little more than my own. Therefore, I do my best, and try to get better at what I do. As I have done so, EZV has grown multi-fold, and so have my own responsibilities.

In my last post, I trailed off mentioning that I would speak about being challenged in more serious contexts. There are many, and I am choosing one that has stayed with me for perhaps the longest time – that of being responsible for others’ performance, growth & even general well-being. While I may be never sure of being good at it – at least as good as I want to be – I am sure I shall never stop trying. For having such opportunities, where I am challenged constantly to do more & do better, to meet greater challenges, I remain eternally grateful to EZV.

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