learning the hard way

fan⋅tas⋅tic  –adjective
1. conceived or appearing as if conceived by an unrestrained imagination; odd and remarkable; bizarre; grotesque: fantastic rock formations; fantastic designs.
2. fanciful or capricious, as persons or their ideas or actions: We never know what that fantastic creature will say next.
3. imaginary or groundless in not being based on reality; foolish or irrational: fantastic fears.
4. extravagantly fanciful; marvelous.
5. incredibly great or extreme; exorbitant: to spend fantastic sums of money.
6. highly unrealistic or impractical; outlandish: a fantastic scheme to make a million dollars betting on horse races.
7. Informal. extraordinarily good: a fantastic musical

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“you seem to have a lot of ‘fantastic’ thoughts”, i have once been told. i have been wondering about it ever since, and i know for a fact that i can safely assume that the implied connotation of the word could have been anything except Number 7.

i think it is but true. when i find an ideal worth aspiring for, i tend to latch on to it, and i keep reminding myself of it. for a lot many times, every other material pursuit pales out and seems trivial to me, when compared with an ideal that holds me in awe.

last night seemed dark, darker in the inside than the outside. my deepest beliefs were awakening, from within, almost snickering at me, chiding me to walk the talk, and prove to myself that some ideals can indeed be achieved. and the mind wasn’t yielding easily, it put up the biggest resistance, as is its wont. it pained, and i knew the pain was real, and before sleep finally descended, i had fallen in my own eyes. almost.

i am learning to love and let go, in the truest sense. and this morning, in the warmth of the rising sun, i felt a bittersweet smile emerge on my face.

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34 thoughts on “learning the hard way

  1. the post is alien in a bummish kind of a way.. we hurt ourselves by trying to love, let go of it or hold on to it… i wish you all the best to overcome the bittersweet pangs of letting go, if at all they need be overcome– some pangs are to be treasured and kept in a secret vault, no? 🙂

  2. A bittersweet experience indeed this is, after all, ain’t it difficult to have the control over your mind and yet let the mind narrate the whole process? Fantastic indeed!

  3. ideals are like that, especially if borrowed. they are unforgiving and ruthless – they suck energy out of you and leave you with guilt. not all that appeals needs to be possessed. your own ideals never mock you, they are like parents, they will give you time to be able walk by them.

  4. Learning the hard way makes all the future fruit a lot juicier… revel in the bittersweet smile, for it is an emotion like any other and it deserves your full attention. Just know that there will be a child-like, pure, unadulterated, spontaneous grin on your face one day, too. 🙂

  5. Well, Bum, I don’t know about all the fantastic and truest letting go business, but I do know single-minded pursuit, do know the experience of some worthwhile thing that has hit me just right staying within reach in my mind, within reach but moving like a pretty, shiny thing keeping my attention and giving me a chance to observe the nature of it and absorb its way until I become it. In my earthbound mind I can only imagine that’s what’s going on with your deepest beliefs, with everyone’s, that they’re moving pretty and shiny, and we’re compelled to follow with bittersweet smiles.

  6. Hello Dharma, hope you are hearing the radio programmes! Will you do a musical tag? Please visit my blog and get the details. We will hear and enjoy music of your choice. Take your own time, no problem. Anyone who are here, can do this tag and I will be happy to hear and enjoy.Thank you.

  7. DEAR ALL,i am sorry for the prolonged silence. i shan’t go into the reasons, as i am yet unaware really. i am grateful to all of you for your kind enquiries.UNPRET,i’ve never been a go-getter, specially in these things. and there is a certain joy in letting go and watching it all come back :)GAURI,the fact that it is alent, is quite true – and am not surprised you spotted that. it is indeed, in a way, and to find myself being alien to what i was, has been a habit – and perhaps, a process of discovering myself.D,you are right.SANDHYA,yes, and thanks :)SHINI,to control the mind is an attempt, to watch it be is much harder so :)GAIZABONTS,this thing about borrowed ideals got me thinking. i am inclined to go with that line of thought. except that when you look at it, at some level, every ideal has to be borrowed, experienced, and then bought or rejected, i would think.is that what we mean by our own ideals? for no conditioning would mean no ideals, no?DEVIL,it is.CHUTNEY,when letting go happens as an excuse, it seems a lot easier. when it happens for the sake of it, it seems a little truer to me. the superlative, was perhaps an exaggeration :DBUDDY.:)VEENA,a lot better, thanks!SUNRISE,the fruit is jucier no doubt, but the process itself, quite hard on oneself.KUSUBLAKKI,thank you, and yes, am good.GAZAL,it doesn’t, but sometimes, we must and some do.MISSALISTER,there you are, incisive, and sublimely so. single minded pursuit can be quite intoxicating at times, and i find that as long as one is aware of the mind, it is free.ANIL,good to see you here.SUJATA,well, am glad it did!ASH,thanks!GAURI,thanks, and do keep coming by :)MONSOON,possible, yes, and not so easy too. thanks :)oh, and welcome back home :)SANDHYA,it is a very interesting one, and i am not sure when i’l take it up…but i will for sure. thanks!ZEUS,in time, hopefully :)VEENA,all well, yes. thank you.GAURI,i am mysteriously caught up in the web of the humdrum and al that blah 🙂 will write something sometime, and thanks for remembering :)NITHYA,will do, kid, and hugs right backASH,thanks for remembering, will write something soon hopefully

  8. love is something that we feel..and in a way, letting go of it is a tough thing I would say..but man loves himself more than anyone in the world..

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