its that face. I know him, I can see him quite vividly, even at this very moment. he has been with me for ages now, and has this nasty tendency of showing up at all those dark phases of life.

do you have that face? you must know it, and god forbid you do, you’ll know when I say it isn’t easy. you know you’ll carry it with you forever. and that is quite a burden.

there are mostly trucks – of all sizes, and even trailers, carrying metallic objects of epic proportions. I think the rush is because most of these vehicles, would not be allowed to enter the city during the day. it is quite a sight, to see the highway teeming with monsters, at this time of the night. I don’t know what the time is, I don’t have a watch. yet another necessarily evil, called the mobile phone, I have switched off. and I have no intentions of switching it on, it doesn’t really matter what time it is. but my estimate is that it would be around 2 AM.

I am fidgeting into my pockets, and it’s the usual luck.

I find smoke, not lights. back in college, it was considered bad luck – you’d have to go looking for what you wanted, and you’d have to part with what you had. if not a smoke, a couple of drags for sure. college seems like another life now. I was a little inebriated, and wasn’t exactly walking on a straight line, I could see that myself. yet, i was conscious of walking on the highway, thank god for small mercies.

“we’re not closed”, he said. if anything indicated the presence of another man, it was this kid, sleeping on the pavement besides. he had a small push cart. the stove had been put off, yet was warm, confirming the man’s intentions of staying on a while, in wait of a few more customers.

I could light up, having wanted to light up in the middle of nowhere – considering the circumstances and the time of the night, I did indeed feel grateful.

“truckers, they usually stop, some of them”, he said.

I thanked him, and walked on, after all, I had a fairly long way to go.

“who with?”, he was asked.

“it doesn’t always have to be with somebody, I like myself too”, he had thought.

the ceiling fan, and its constant motion reminds me of the seemingly endless cycle. i wonder what it would be like, without electricity, and the whirring of the electrical appliance, affixed to the roof. I feel the mind numbing, the myriad thoughts slowing down, rather fading away into the farthest recesses of the mind.

I feel grateful, as the head touches the pillow.


50 thoughts on “

  1. Thats an interesting post and an interesting line from it: “the ceiling fan, and its constant motion reminds me of the seemingly endless cycle. “Maybe the time on the highway and your ending up on it with thoughts whirling in your mind is like that endless cycle. The ceiling fan might not run without electricity. Just like it, your journey on the highway may have been forgetful without these thoughts of yours…

  2. If the face you’re thinking of is the same face I’m thinking of (profound, eh?) then I know very, very well the face and when it shows up. I was under a bit of pressure yesterday, so of course it saw its opportunity. Your starting off with the face in this piece and interjecting it briefly later was good stuff. Maybe the identification was what made the difference for me, I felt like it was your choice of words, but whatever it was, I felt more along with you for the ride. You created an ambiance of casual, matter-of-factness as a friendly fog billowing around the mystery of the night. The piece was as easy as the lazy cigarette Phish wrote of once, the lazy smoke of which calmed my senses and allowed me to fall in love with it. Very good stuff… 🙂

  3. Send me your email id!*****************************Did i tell you your writing reminds me of ee cummings–may be due to no capitalisation?Nicely expressed.

  4. i have that face too…but i ve found that when i consciously make an attempt, i am able to get rid of her. sometimes maybe we just have to say enough is enough and take life as it comes..accept that this is how it is and also know that this phase is not gonna last forever

  5. why the constant want for ‘alone’?it is lovely to be with people too. especially if you have someone special. I have come to believe that people who keep wanting ‘alone’ are actually the ones who encourage other people to give them maximum attention, enjoy it and then say they are loners at heart.the ceiling fan….. yes, I dont know what we would do without electricity

  6. SHINI,yes, the thoughts certainly added to the journey.thanks for being here, as always.CM,:)nadandhadhu daan.MISSALISTER,:) i think it must be the same faces – i notice we have a tendency to connect, miss, through our thoughts.i remember that what phish wrote. and i think thats a lot of undeserved praise for me – but that again, only means you are the sweetheart! very kind of u, thanks!JACKFRUIT,glad u liked it!PS,wil do!i don’t think theres much apart in common other than the lack of capitals – let us not wake the poor guy from his grave :)thank you!UNPRETENTIOUS,good for you, good for you!yeah, acceptance is easy when one is able to give up the idea of ‘doing’. and yet…*sigh*TACHI,thoughts of a while that chose to manifest in words as a result of the hourney that night :)MONSOON,:) thank you monsoon. i certainly hope it was a pleasant dream. ppl say i am morbid many a time!ADMIRATION,alone is an addiction. those who know the joy of the sweet silence, those who have tasted it once, years for more. it is like an intoxicant, if you know what i mean. indeed it is lovely in the company of others. i am, it though a little skeptical about the idea of ‘someone special’…it has kind of suffocated me in the past.your belief in people wanting to be alone – is quite new to me. and i suppose it would be based on your experience. and to generalise, would that be ok? well, everybody is entitled to an opinion, why not!

  7. Good ones.. especially liked these lines.. I find smoke, not lightsI feel the mind numbing, the myriad thoughts slowing down, rather fading away into the farthest recesses of the mind-Veena

  8. been terribly unwell and hence the silence. back at work after a horribly long 3 weeks.need to get sane again.till then silence prevails ma man!

  9. KESHI,i am glad it hit – it really is worth thinking about. sometimes, i feel we’re all so busy looking for things outside of us that we forget ourselves in all the mad rush :)DB,awwww! though its nice to see you here as always, sad to hear about the illness. hope u get completely well soon and start writing again 🙂

  10. DEVIL,hehe, we have it quite often, that kind of heat, not exactly so much, but well, close enough. good thing is here, its by the sea and so we sweat it out and it sort of cools the body down.BACKPAKKER,it was something like that, you know, the words kept tumbling as did the thoughts. it was a particular train but a mish mash of sorts.guilt – well, its about that face. don’t you know it? :)MAN IN PAINTING,i am honoured by your visit, really. thanks for dropping by!D,ABSOLUTELY! and tell this world that – most people seem to be drowning themselves in the clutter outside, and they can’t identify, let alone accpet people who want to be left alone sometimes 🙂

  11. i have read this one 2-3 times before, but felt the post is the kind which cannot really be commented upon. partly because its beautifully abstract and majorly cos i didn’t find any words to express what I felt while i read it (i gathered a vague picture of darkness, road, the flicker of lights zooming past and nice, simple conversations..) SOo basically dropped in to say a hello.. hope you doing well and come up with some more writing soon..

  12. really interesting post…makes one wonder about the randomness.. the thoughts running around in your head..the different directions one could take.. will come back for more..

  13. Hey ! A very trippy post…well-written though ! You should be writing more often…(This happens to be the third time I am trying to comment on your blog. For some strange reason, I’m unable to comment !)

  14. PRIYANKA,welcome here and thanks for visiting!this post has indeed been disjointed. and personal – u’re pretty keen in having observed that for sure!yes, do come back and thanks for the info!ASH,thanks SO much :)CHUTNEY,might just be a good idea to think about exactly what it is that made u relate, no?GAURI,thanks! as always, you continue to be the kind soul as far as comments here are concerned!been a little disconnected with myself and hence the lack of writing here – will come back soon, i hope!NABILA,well, a smile sure makes the whole thing worthwhile!thank you!UNPRETENTIOUS,all in good time(god give me some inspiration!) :)KITS,welcome here!yes, literally and figuratively.and thanks!GAZAL,welcome back :)a book? am just a bum who finds silly conversations in the mind and a universal garbage dumping place called the internet. :Pbut seriously, thanks a ton!KESHI,thank you!BACKPAKKER,i shud be the one saying that – thanks for writing about all the wonderful places – atleast we get to see them thru your eyes!ANI,welcome here!thank you and do come back :)GEE,thats an interesting comment.i was discussing with this other blog friend, in the comments section, about posts giving birth to conversations. it has not happened much here. i wonder if my posts are too…i don’t know ‘close ended’? and that would mean hardly any scope for any thoughts, like you say…?thank you, shall indeed try and write more!

  15. down there, within ourselves, we are always the loners…“it doesn’t always have to be with somebody, I like myself too”…liked this post a lot, thought i feel i’ve commented on it before…anyways, its already a month brother, where are you?

  16. Just as everyone’s requesting, this is a request from my end too.. So, has nothing special worth-mentioning happened or caught your thought, that keeps you from posting afresh?

  17. MONSOON,how could that be?CM,thank YOU for dropping by – yes, been well, bumming around as always :PADI,as always, you leave a pleasant and profound feeling when u leave your words! yes, alone indeed!and yes, when i read the post today, after many days, it had that feeling about comments too :)GAURI,i really don’t know. coming to think of it, it is strange, i have never felt like not writing, yet haven’t felt the urge to write either.on a superficial level, i guess one could say i been busy, but you wouldn’t let a bum get away with that kinda crap :PNITHYA,love u too kid!SHINI,possibly the other way round – too many thoughts caught in the mind that to untwine the lot n give em shape in de form of words is possibly a little more complicated than i have previously encountered?i don’t know, but, i respect your request and i pay my gratitude in all humility – shall attempt at the word play soon enough!UNPRETENTIOUS,i don’t believe in any such thing as a block, writers or anything else. it hasn’t happened. possibly the time just hasn’t been right, blame it all on the stars :)GAURI,thank you!REBECCA,welcome aboard!convoluted is quite an apt description, when i read the post myself after reading your comment :)i am glad too – will look forward to your visits!LAKSHMI,the bum is honoured 🙂 wil drop by soon!

  18. haylos. am good. busy with work. lots of catching up to do you see.poetry….i loved reciting reams and reams of verses. bringing alive those lines.keep dropping by.ciao.

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