I’ve already told Santa Claus what I want this Christmas – a good friend. So, if a big fat man comes and tries to wrap you up, please cooperate.
And Merry Christmas!
I can’t get over those hazel eyes. It was just a fleeting glance at them, but those beautiful pair of eyes just wouldn’t let me move. For once, I wasn’t ashamed of staring. I looked straight into her eyes, beholding them for a while, I don’t really know for how long. Interestingly, she was looking into my eyes too. We just stood there, meeting eye to eye; each wondering what was going on in the mind behind the eyes.
I don’t normally make the move so quick, it is not in me. Not that I shy away, I just take time. I am choosy, one may say. This time around, even though the attraction was irresistible, I didn’t budge. I didn’t want to risk doing something stupid and losing the most beautiful sight of looking into those magical eyes.
When I did finally snap out, I decided to go meet her. I wanted to touch her, to feel her soft, glowing skin. I don’t know if she read my mind, for she decided to break it and move on. She broke my heart, but I was thankful for those few minutes. I knew we were talking, telling each other our own stories, and in a strange way, I was deriving a great comforting feeling during those moments. I’ve always had this thing with the stray dogs, I don’t know what. I often fail to put it into words, but it’s just that they make some of the most beautiful love stories of my life.
It is the greatest friend, yet is potent enough to be the greatest foe.
The devil of the mind (or is it the mind of the devil, i wonder!), at this point of time, it is so completely filled with –
Guns, not gratitude
Sex, not salvation
Hurting, not healing
Booze, not beauty
Lust, not love
It is easy to let things be…..and then conveniently blame it on other things, like ‘being a bum’…
One never knows when it is likely to happen. It can be the most beautiful of days. Like this morning, when I woke up, it was pleasantly cool, the little drops of dew waiting to gleam in the sunshine.
It is equally impossible to know why it happens. There doesn’t ever seem to be a trigger, at least, not anything apparent. And yet, it seizes the mind and completely paralyzes it. I read somewhere that the term depression is used loosely. I am not sure.
They’re all over the place. And in the world we live in, ironical as it might seem, it becomes hard to notice them. They’re there though, I know that much for sure.
My good friend tells me that everybody is nice. I suppose so. I think the world is full of nice people. I’m just too busy in my own perverted vision of the world that I fail to recognize goodness all around me. In spite of this, I am blessed to be surrounded by people who care.
I wonder if I am a hypocrite. I’ve been talking so much about loving everybody. I discovered recently, today in fact, that I have been vindictive. There have been people who have upset me. Looking at it objectively, in my own contrived sense of that word, I think may be I should rephrase that statement. There have been people whom I have been upset by. Yes, that sounds better.
Off late, I have been behaving quite offensively, meaning consciously to vent my ire against such people. I wonder if I was always like this, or turned this way somewhere along the way. I have caused grave hurt, time and time again, and it will be hard for me to off load the thought. This shall, in all probability, be the excess baggage of my life.
And in this process of fighting desperately to gain attention, to derive that illusory kick out of being loved by those ‘chosen’ few, even if it is at the cost of excluding others, and to ultimately gratify oneself with the thought of ‘possessing’, I am beginning to realize that I am gaining some, but losing much more., among other things, I am afraid I am losing the child in me.
And this Christmas, I look for redemption. My faith is still going strong, and so I refuse to give up.
I am glad I am reminded – yet again – to love, and to do so with nothing except loving in mind.
Divinity sings from the heart of those who can be good even to those who have not been so good to them