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0200 hrs
January 1, 2007

they say its new year, but i’m not sure. yes, it is new, but then, isn’t everyday new? well, what about every moment?

so i began thinking about what was new. for one, the last few times they’ve all been penned first and then typed out and then posted. the posts i mean. this time around, i’m sitting on my dad’s comp at home and typing it out.

i suppose i feel more comfortable writing what i think than typing it.
in any case, happy new year, my dear friends.

its been a couple of hours after midnight on new year(our time), and i am sure there are those of you separated by time, those by distance, and those by, say, this blog, among other things. but i’m wishing all of you guys very happy times to come. thats coz i’m writing this while it isn’t connected as yet, and i don’t know when i’ll connect to the internet and ultimately get to posting this.

to think about it though, 26 odd years of living, of experiencing, a whole year of blogging(i just realised its almost a year since i write my first post) could all of it be summed up, collated in some way? atul was talking of such a concept here, a few days ago. i am not sure either if at all it could be done, or if it needs to, but i’m sure of one thing now – that i don’t know.

and i sit here writing, in absolute awe of life, of the world and of everything else i know and i don’t.

why are you not praying?”, is the last thing my mother asked me last year.
at first i let it pass. but as i was sitting in the open around midnight and smoking a few cigarettes and talking to one of my friends, i started wondering why i had stopped praying. i don’t know. really.

at the stroke of midnight, i prayed. and right now, 2 hours later, i am also incredibly happy. not that there is necessarily any correlation, these are again comparatively, ‘new’.
prayer – i haven’t prayed regularly (barring the time i’ve regularly been in toubled times of course!) in about a year or so.
happiness – well, i try to be happy most of the time, but then, there are also times of sadness and i acccept them.

people – there have been so many, and i think god has blessed me with loving people all the time, and though for various reasons, some people just leave you, one it tempted to remember them.
my love, and salutations to every one of them.
they have taught me a world of things, and loved me like they’re own. they have given me so much, i wonder how, or even if at all i’ll be able to give back. or even if i deserved to be given so much, in the first place.
from the bottom of my i love you all.

i’m learning that i must love everybody more whole heartedly, unquestioningly and without any inhibitions, any doubts whatsoever.

thank you, everybody, for i may not remain too long.

thank you god, for it is you who ordains.

———————————————————————————

I have got my leave. Bid me farewell, my brothers! I bow to you all and take my departure.

Here I give back the keys of my door – and I give up all claims to my house. I only ask for last kind words from you.

We were neighbours for long, but I received more than I could give. Now the day has dawned and the lamp that lit my dark corner is out. A summons has come and I am ready for my journey.

– Rabindranath Tagore in ‘Gitanjali’

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